Casting shadows; A willow tree and a serpent

Missing Ontario is becoming more prevalent as time moves forward. A couple nights ago my dream had combined the past, the present, and everyone and everything in my life or was once in my life, in a nice little package all in one day and in one dream. It wasn’t a good dream, but wasn’t a bad dream either. When I woke up, I wasn’t all too coherent and was confused as to where I was. I thought I was back in Ontario and it wasn’t until I really took a look around that I realized that I was actually still in Newfoundland. I don’t know if I was disappointed or not, but it saddened me and I really started missing home and my friends. I really started missing Maegan and have always missed her actually, but tried keeping her out of my mind. I’ve known her for such a long time and I actually have only myself to blame because I was too shy to move forward and have her in my life. Someone else beat me to it and now, especially being in Newfoundland, will never, ever have a second chance. After being here, meeting people, and trying to find that significant other, I found that there is not one person here for me. There is no one willing to know get to know me, no one that even comes close to matching my life style or commonalities. There just doesn’t seem to be anyone like Maegan that I can find and fall in love with and know that everything will be just fine. I think I’ve lost her.

I’ve been spending a lot of money lately, which has been not only foolish, but also irresponsible and because of some underlying circumstances, I’ve decided to stop being so foolish and end this parade of throwing my money away on something that will never be. I’ve hurt myself in more ways than one, and have no one else but myself to blame. It’s time for me to take several steps back, and stay within the confines of the shadows. Take a look at an old scribe within this doctrine and truth will be revealed.

I think I have been really stupid now that I know my credit has come back after several years of evading the creditors. I have so much credit I think I am going to regret having made the purchases that I did, but that’s what happens when I have nothing and want everything.

So there is one thing in my life right now that I really need to back away from. Some past instances helped me make that decision and just this weekend some things happened and whether or not it was controlled or not, only strengthened my decision. There is a person that is getting in the way and will continue to do so, and it’s his own selfishness that is doing it, but whatever, I’m not playing those games. Those two can go ahead and continue on with their lives together.

You never know what you had until it’s gone and some lessons in life will never be learned.

It’s way to early for me to be up and I’m afraid that I screwed up my sleeping schedule. Thursday night I slept through most of my shift and didn’t go into work. I didn’t even call in. I was just too, tired, sick, and depressed. It was one of those nights where I could just say fuck it and not gave a care in the world about anything. But I have to move on, move forward and keep my job. Especially with all the bills that will soon be rolling in, I am going to have to start taking some financial responsibility so I don’t screw everything up again. Someone gave me a second chance and I have to prove to myself that I deserve that second chance and can learn from my mistakes. Did I mention that I miss Ontario and my old friends? yea, I think I did. They were the only ones that knew me and accepted me for who I was. Unlike here of course. People are too uptight and reserved and judgmental even though they say or appear otherwise. Everyone needs to get over themselves and just live life without restrictions.

3 stages to a relationship

Through the eyes of myself.

Those of us who are seasoned, know very well how relationships can work, and know that there are always stages to a relationship. Just like everything else in the world, there is a beginning and an end. How far until it reaches the end, depends on many factors.

 

1. The interest

The first stage starts off fairly innocent. It involves one or both parties expressing self interest in the other. If they are strangers, it may take some time to reach a stage of communication, so up until then, it mainly involves thought and sight. If set in an environment where the two parties are always around each other, there will always be visual communication. Glances towards the person, or glancing in the general position where the other party may be. If the other party notices, it almost always involves looking the other way. After the visual inspection, follows thought. The image of the party is hard coded into the brain and from there, the party can imagine whatever it is he, or she would imagine to enhance the interest and prepare he or she for the next level.

2. The confrontation

The confrontation can always be confusing and misleading, sending off the wrong signals to one another, and often leading to disaster and/or embarrassment. Confronting the other party is too often a difficult task for most and working up to that moment is usually down-played. Disregarding the emotional and physical attributes that cause this delay of confrontation, it usually starts off with honest small talk so that either party can grasp what the other is like and if there is more than a mental interest in the other. Some times conversation can become script-like, much like we learned back in the early school days, which would include finding out the persons name, age, likes, dislikes, pet-peeves, etc. I’m not saying these are not necessary, but the manner in which they are presented, can be and sound scripted and corny. In any case, that is how it starts. When one or both feel comfortable enough, the conversation part of the interaction will often be followed by physical interaction, be it a touch on the shoulder, the back, the knee, perhaps one of the parties putting their feet up on the other for relaxation, invitation to feel a part of the body such as the hair. Most of this physical interaction will be small and honest, and because of it’s nature, can be misleading, for the fact that friendship can arise from the same interaction.

After sharing conversation, laughs and physical interaction, it is noticed that more time will be spent with each other, and can be seen in many ways; sitting with each other, searching for the other party to say hello or to engaging in small talk more frequently, with the topics becoming more personal in nature. Parties may also engage in dates, but not classify them as such, and could include going out to informal dinners and lunches, movies, parties and going out for drinks at the local pub.

It is in the middle of this stage, which is crucial to the establishment of an intimate relationship or friendship. It is also the most difficult stage to assess and to move forward into accomplishing the true nature of the goal. I believe, that in most cases, near the end of this stage, an expression of interest should be clearly made through verbal communication. If this is not done and this stage is carried out too long, the party may become too accustomed to the friendship thereby making it more difficult to reach the next level of commitment.

3. The acceptance

If the receiving party accepts the offer of a more intimate relationship, then some how, all stress, mental fatigue disappear and a sense of relief sets in, where by each party can now feel more comfortable with each other. At this point a whole new set of feelings arise,  generating the production of endorphin creating that ‘feeling’ of love. Such feelings could be described as a good sensation of butterfly’s in the stomach, the ‘tickling’ of the heart when one or both parties fix their eye’s on each other or something as small as smiling at each other. Both parties are extremely happy and excited and want to start spending even more time with each other. Either or both parties start feeling that they need to be and not without each other. Everything done in the past remains the same during this period, but more personal interaction is added on top, along with stronger feelings for each other. The length of these feelings can vary widely and it has been noticed that the established ‘new’ feeling can last for a few months and it is because of this, that newly established relationships and relationships-to-be can be predicted.

This is based on the perfect or near perfect circumstance and without focusing on other possibilities that may interfere with the establishment of a relationship. That may be discussed at a later time. The posting within is solely the opinion of the author and based on his own experiences and insight and may not necessarily reflect a typical or common occurrence with all relationships. Any similarity that may reference current relationships are purely coincidental.

How hard is it to update a blog?

It sounded like a good idea to have a place where I could share my thoughts and experiences on any number of topics, without writing about my personal life. Putting it into practice, however, proved to be easier said than done. Just what exactly do I write about? What interests do I have that would prompt me to write on my blog? I can’t write anything having to do with my work, because that could get me fired and when I’m at home, I am just not in the mood to write anything extravagant or detailed. Therefore, at least with me, maintaining a blog is very difficult unless I made it my career, and that is absurd. So if I don’t update, just move on.

Buckles I want

 

http://www.hotbuckles.com/thundercats-belt-buckle-p-746.html http://www.bucklecity.com/Hello_My_Name_Is_p/p48.htm http://www.hotbuckles.com/wood-celtic-knot-belt-buckle-p-1866.html
http://www.hotbuckles.com/throwing-star-pirate-skull-belt-buckle-p-381.html http://store.thinkempire.com/en/item.php?catid=144&pos=3&id=31430
http://www.2bhipbuckles.com/product/I22/I22_Irish_Celtic_Shield_Belt_Buckle.html
http://www.2bhipbuckles.com/product/A87/A87_Nightmare_Before_Christmas_Jack_Face_Belt_Buckle.html
http://www.hotbuckles.com/birchwood-belt-buckle-p-1854.html
http://www.hotbuckles.com/douglas-fir-wood-belt-buckles-p-1859.html
http://www.hotbuckles.com/licensed-green-lantern-logo-web-belt-p-1635.html
http://www.hotbuckles.com/lone-star-oval-belt-buckles-p-1445.html
http://www.hotbuckles.com/maple-wood-belt-buckle-p-1856.html
http://www.hotbuckles.com/oakwood-belt-buckle-p-1857.html
http://www.hotbuckles.com/revolver-holster-lighter-belt-buckle-p-758.html
http://www.hotbuckles.com/rising-sun-belt-buckle-p-1107.html
http://www.hotbuckles.com/swallow-belt-buckle-p-1057.html
http://www.bucklecity.com/Gas_Mask_Belt_Buckle_p/p67.htm http://www.bucklecity.com/Red_Hot_Chili_Peppers_Belt_Buckle_p/p590.htm
http://www.bucklecity.com/Punisher_Belt_Buckle_p/p395.htmhttp://www.bucklecity.com/Gothic_Cross_with_St_p/p436.htm

Web based Everything

Now-a-days it’s all about the web and the content that has been manifested and embodied into everyday lives. I will admit, I am far, far much to far in the past when it comes to web development and I have spent more years wondering what I could do with the code and a website, than I have actually creating a website. Many a times I have created sites that just failed because the content was too static and no very appealing to anyone. not to mention it was something that was not updatable. go figure. I suppose it’s more of a hobby or perhaps a curiosity for me and right now I am back into that mood. I am trying to find out what exactly to put on a site and of those ideas, what would be the best implementation of such content. So far I have the idea of some sort of communication. http://blackboxdisase.sytes.net at the root contains two methods of chat. One is a standard implementation of IRC which behaves exactly like IRC clients, and the other is tailored towards MSN communication between a website visitor and the host (being me) Of course I did notice one caveat with it, and that is that only one person can communicate with the host at any given time. I also came across the Windows Live Messenger API and have implemented a crude Internet based client like Ebuddy. I will defiantly work on this to make it more visually appealing. You can try it out yourself for functionality if you wish @ http://blackboxdisease.sytes.net/messenger/ and please, try it at work, where you are more likely to be blocked by firewalls. You can also see my other idea that i’m working on, which is based off WordPress, and can be found at http://blackboxdisease.sytes.net/wordpress1/ there is a join page, but the email verification is not working and I need to find where the configuration is that holds the email server settings.

Other than that, I have nothing much to add. Sorry for the long period of time between updates.

WordPress on Server 2008

After spending way to much time on my dilemma, I was finally able to install WordPress on Windows Server 2008. I spent a lot of time searching the Internet and despite all the tutorials out there, none of them helped except one fluke web site which happened to work. First I will tell you do not attempt to use isapi but instead use fastcgi. The tutorial I found is located at thewebhostinghero.com.

There seems to be specific builds you need in order to get everything working in unison. You may have to do a Google search and verify before you download, that the versions offered are in fact the versions listed here.

•  mysql-5.1.22-rc-win32
• WordPress_65139
• PHP-5.2.5-nts-Win32

After following the steps on thewebhostinghero.com open the MySQL database console type in the root password and run the following commands to create the wordpress database:

create database wordpress; (press enter)

grant all privileges on wordpress.* to ‘root’@'%’ indentified by ‘password’; (press enter)

flush  privileges; (press enter)

exit (press enter)

Now extract the WordPress zip file into your inetpub/wwwroot/ directory and edit wp-config-sample.

<?php

// ** MySQL settings ** //

define(‘DB_NAME’, ‘wordpress‘);    // The name of the database

define(‘DB_USER’, ‘root‘);     // Your MySQL username

define(‘DB_PASSWORD’, ‘root password‘); // …and password

define(‘DB_HOST’, ‘localhost’);    // 99% chance you won’t need to change this value

define(‘DB_CHARSET’, ‘utf8′);

define(‘DB_COLLATE’, ”);

All the fields in red need to match what you had setup. Initially, your mysql database will only have one user, and that user will be root. You can either keep this, or create a new user and granting that user all privileges. If you go about creating a new user, it may be easier to use phpmyadmin which can be obtained from sourceforge.net. If you decide to use root, then you will also have to use the password that you created when you first installed mysql. After you make your changes, save the file as wp-config.php and point your browser to http://localhost/wp-admin/install.php and follow the instructions.

Note that the current version of WordPress has a serious bug which will NOT create any tables in the database. The WordPress team likes to blame it on other people, however, it is in fact the WordPress developers not paying attention and making their code incompatible with newer versions of mysql. That goes to say too, that the MySQL team are also breaking their code and the only release thus far that will work with server 2008 is the one listed above, or the 6.0 alpha release, but I did not try the 6.0 alpha with the working versions of WordPress and PHP. I mention this in case anyone decides to try and upgrade their database, WordPress or PHP. If you do, please back everything up first.

IIS7+Server 2008+PHP+WordPress

FUCK THE FUCK OFF!

I spent all day and night getting this fucking wordpress to run on windows server 2008 and I had no success whatsoever. It fucking pisses me off. Microsoft cannot fucking create a compatible piece of shit software and neither can PH-fuckingP and word-fucking-press. How fucking hard can it be to make software work with each other. This fucking sucks. Programmers can eat shit and die, and so can all those fucking MCSE fucking IT dickwads. Fuck off, die, and die again.

fuck sakes.

assholes.

 

i’m rotted.